I have called this part one, because I’m sure at some point I will be able to add to this particular topic, so I’m leaving the door open for sequels.
“Room 101: A chamber in the Ministry of Love where prisoners are subjected to their worst fears.”
Room 101 in the book/film ‘1984’ gave the BBC the idea to have ‘Room 101’ as a television and radio programme. In the television programme celebrity guests put items they truly dislike ‘into’ room 101. There is normally a heading for each round, ‘Modern Life’, or a wild card category. A lever will be pulled by the host which will give rise to the item the panellist wants to put in the room. The representation will be comedic. The panellist will then put their argument forward as to why this particular thing MUST be put into 101. The host listens to all of the panellists for each category, and only one lucky panellist gets to have their item dropped into room 101, at which point the representation plummets unceremoniously into the bowels of the studio.
Watching Room 101 last week got me to thinking… If I had a room 101 it may become full very quickly, but today I will try and put forward my arguments for three categories.
Modern Life: Particularly online grocery shopping. I have a graphic to emphasise how ludicrous it can be. Forget zucchini the size of marrows, and marrows the size of zucchini. Forget dented tins and dodgy vegetables. Let’s talk hair colour. My hair, in the sunlight, has a purple hue. Indoors people just think it’s dark. It doesn’t really matter about the exact colour or hue anyway. But it does matter that I use the same colour all of the time. So, when the online supermarket doesn’t have my hair colour that’s fine, I’ll get it elsewhere, just don’t offer me a substitution of platinum blonde hair colour instead. That suggestion is ridiculous. I’m sorry. Don’t ‘suggest’ anything. I’m perfectly capable of coming up with an alternative, if there is one. But someone with dark hair isn’t going to need a platinum blonde hair colour any time soon. It just makes me think the parameters are absolutely not set up with the consideration of humans.
The Internet: Particularly people that buy off my husband online. More particularly people getting their own address wrong. One of my jobs is processing and packing orders. I need the buyer’s address to complete this task.
The reason I am able to compose this post now is because I am waiting for a buyer to let me know what their actual, correct address is. This buyer managed to omit the HOUSE NUMBER and STREET NAME, and then spell the area wrong too. Why can’t they take five minutes to check that their (very important) address is correct?
This is not unusual either. Out of five processing days this week an address has been incorrect on four days. I have been able to find the correct one myself tho’, until today, because, not a flippin’ mind reader.
Twitter: “See prev tweet” at the end of a totally confusing tweet. Nope. Fit it into 140 characters. That’s the point of Twitter people! Or assume if we’re confused we are capable of stalking your tweets until we figure it out.
Oh, and one more…
“No, YOU just ate all the chocolate biscuits!” No I didn’t. And I’m not bothered that you did either. Just tweet “I ate all of the chocolate biscuits!” I won’t judge you for that.
Television: Especially the weather people. Not the ones in literally in the eye of the storm, reporting live back to the warm, safe, studio. They all deserve a medal.
I mean the weather people who stand in the studio in front of a magic map. They often have a dodgy hair do(n’t), too much make up (includes the men) & mismatched clothes. So mismatched I wonder if they got dressed in the dark or are blindfolded.
On a Monday they tell you the weather till Friday, why not tell us what the weather will be like for that day, or even until the next time they are on? They’ll be on again in half an hour if you have the rolling news channels on. Unless it’s adverse weather they are predicting and we need a little extra info. They always look so smug, standing in their comfy studio droning on with glee about the probably not good weather we are going to have in Blighty.
I know this is irrational. But these weather people REALLY need to go into room 101.
In finishing this chapter, and until the next batch of annoyances appear, I would thank you for hurling these things into room 101.